


Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story

by theshipstorulethemallwrites



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bellamy Blake is a History & Mythology Nerd, F/M, Love Letters, Minor Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Mythology References
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-30
Packaged: 2018-09-02 08:04:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8659132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theshipstorulethemallwrites/pseuds/theshipstorulethemallwrites
Summary: Bellamy, Clarke, and the letters they wrote down but never showed each other





	1. The Darkness is Swallowing Me Whole or Bellamy 3A

Dear Clarke,

 

I question what my life would’ve been if I hadn’t fallen in love with you. I know it would be less, less full, less happy, less dangerous and yes it would have been less painful. Because you wouldn’t have left me. You wouldn’t have left me bleeding from open wounds and looked back, with regret in your blue eyes as you ran.  It's like I'm Orpheus, waiting for you. Cursing your absence because I don't how to be without you. I've already been grounded for trying to leave camp to chase after you. 

 

It’s been two days and I see your ghost everywhere. I keep turning to talk to you, tell you about the kids and I’ve bitten a hole through my tongue because I have to prevent myself from saying your name.

  
  


Bellamy

 

 

* * *

  
  


Dear Clarke,

 

I met someone. She’s amazing and too bright for this world we live in. Her name’s Gina and as I fucked her I had to bite her shoulder to keep myself from calling out your name. She doesn’t deserve that, but somehow she makes the ache you left get smaller. She smiles and I feel a little less broken and ruined.

 

She doesn’t ask why I wake up screaming myself hoarse, she doesn’t ask why I always have two drinks whenever I have moonshine. 

 

You’re _my_ partner, a part of something that keeps from falling back into the darkness but you left me. 

 

Kane and your mom trust me more, I’m going on mapping runs and we’re finally really making a home here. I miss the dropship sometimes but I look at Miller teaching the guards how to shoot, Raven rewiring the cars - we took cars from Mount Weather - and Lincoln doing training on hand to hand combat and I feel like we’re finally settling down. Well, expect Octavia who has tasted a home, felt a weapon in her hand, felt powerful and she doesn’t want this.

 

Some days I don’t want this, not without you but I need to keep acting fine, you left me because you trusted me.

 

~~ It doesn’t feel enough most days. ~~

 

Bellamy

 

 

* * *

 

 

Dear Clarke,

I had you in my arms again, I saw you after three months and then I fucking lost you. Why am I losing you??

Why do I keep losing you, is that my curse?

Like Persephone who must leave her lover every sixth months, I am like Hades, lost in the dark awaiting your returning. Or are you my Patroclus, the person I breath for, the person I fight for. I wonder am I Achilles? Am I lost to bloodlust and war without you?

How is it that you’ve become more beautiful? It’s exquisite, this torture you put me through. God, hearing you beg, offering your life in exchange for mine has me questioning if you might love me back.

The leg wound will scar, a reminder of all the times I’ve lost you, all the times I’ve failed.

 

I miss you more now. Please love me back.

 

Bellamy

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Dear ~~Clarke~~ , Wanheda

 

WHO ARE YOU??? Where did the girl I love go?? You looked at me and it was like what I was saying meant nothing. How can you trust the girl who left us to die, who made you into this symbol over me? 

 

I don’t recognize you anymore. I saw you a few days ago and I knew you then just as you knew me. Was that just an act?

 

Gina’s dead, Gina’s dead, I killed her just like you killed me. 

 

Blake

 

* * *

 

Dear Clarke,

 

I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry for disappointing you. I’m sorry for leaving you there, I’m sorry for making cry. I can’t be sorry for my words for they had some truth to them. You trust someone, no you are falling for someone, who made me slaughter innocents. 

 

You are beautiful and broken, just like me but I can’t see us getting past this. I’ve betrayed a code you live by and you betrayed the person I believed you to be.

 

This is all so messed up. I can’t keep hating and loving you in equal measure. It doesn’t work like that. I guess I’m stuck loving you because I tried hating you and I couldn’t do it.

 

~~ Just come back, please. ~~

 

Bellamy

 

 

* * *

 

Dear Clarke

 

Come back. I need you to pull back from the edge when the darkness swallows me whole. Octavia hates me, loyalties are tearing apart Miller and his boyfriend who he just found again and Monroe is dead, she trusted me and I killed her.

I don’t even know how many people I’ve killed, I’ve lost count and I think a river could be filled with all the blood my hands. I am Achilles without you. I am lost to blood and death and sacrifice without you. I need you by my side to pull me back.

  
Bellamy


	2. It's Overtaking My Soul or Clarke 3A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke's musings. (I don't think she would have felt safe enough to put words to paper the way Bellamy did)

 

It hurts, leaving him behind whilst I shoulder this burden. I feel like Atlas, from those stories he told at the dropship campfire, what feels years ago but was only months. It feels as though we've aged so much, there's blood covering my hands that wasn't there before. I feel like Lady Macbeth, the blood will never wash off. May We Meet Again, we said, as a promise not as some stupid final words that we said as goodbye. I will never say goodbye to you, Bellamy, I can't afford to lose you.

 

* * *

 

 

It hurts, seeing him for the first time in what feels like centuries. He’s handling me so gently but there’s a storm of violence buried in his eyes. He grins at me, lip almost stained with blood. Blood that wasn’t there before, last you saw him, standing proud. Blood and pain that I know I've caused. But hope blossoms in my chest and my hands stop shaking when I say his name.

I promised I wouldn't run but I never thought that my captor would take me to another prison, one with a girl I could've loved, a glorified gilded cage where I am a symbol. No one sees me as a person, as someone with pain and agony over the choices I was forced to make. He was the only one to understand. 

 

* * *

 

 

It hurts, finding him again after we both ran. Losing ourselves in otherselves, other lovers, other leaders. His eyes are hard when they look at me and I can’t name the emotion in his face, only that it’s one I can’t recognize, one I’ve never seen before. He looks lost, like he’s on a long path in the forests and it’s dark and his one light just flickered out of existence. I want to cry, he should never look so horrified and broken.

I stand here, beside a throne, beside a woman who makes me weak, who seeks to rise me up by lowering me to her side. I don't want to be hers. I want to go home, to him.

 

* * *

 

 

It hurts, fighting with him, throwing my body and words into causing him pain. I know him like I know the back of your hand, like I know my mother’s laugh, I know him better than I know myself most days. I know how to twist the knife, how to make him bleed, how to hurt him. But hurting him hurts me and he can’t bear to see me pain. So I win but’s a empty victory, I feel like I’ve lost more than I’ve won when he looks at me with such betrayal. 

 

* * *

 

It hurts, losing her, losing him. Why am I losing the people I love. Maybe I just shouldn't fuck anyone for the rest of time. It's like I'm cursed. I lost him because I choose her and I lost her because I choose him. No, I don't blame him for her death but I know that if half of my heart wasn't with him, I would have been able to save her.  She was the goodness, the visionary but she thought she could force her way on people. It was at my urging that she tried to change, she loved me and I didn't love her enough. I could get past the betrayal with all the compliments and understanding and love that she gave me but he has my heart and he has had it since long before I knew her.

 

* * *

 

 

I ask myself, looking at him, is this love? Is love meant to hurt this bad? And when he turns to me and holds out his hand all I can do is think, _yes_.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @the-ships-to-rule-them-all.
> 
> Thanks for reading and comments and kudos will get the next chapters up faster *hint, hint*


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